你会为我而死吗?

一對年輕情侶…正在瘋狂的熱戀…姑娘痴痴的對另一半說：

男的一聽這句話…臉色大變…

許久無法說出話來…（因為愛…這個代價未免也太大了吧…）

但那男人實在太愛這個姑娘了…
沒有辦法…畢竟…
這就是愛…
於是…那男人…就…

挖了挖自己的耳朵…

用力的塞進他女友的嘴裡…
因為男的把：你會為我而死嗎？聽成（你會餵我耳屎嗎？）

Joke of the day

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.


His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha, a girl from the neighborhood.


With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''


The young man again brought three more names to his father but ended up frustrated because the response was still the same.


So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''


His mother smiling said to him, ''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son."

Why Women Stay Single

Fountain

Amazing Work with Toothpicks

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cow...oh...cow

金玉〔涼〕言

＠ 我就像一隻趴在玻璃上的蒼蠅，前途一片光明，但是出路沒有。

＠ 錢不是問題，問題是我沒有錢。

＠ 一山不能容二虎，除非一公和一母。

＠ 寧願相信世間有鬼，也不能相信男人的那張嘴！

＠ 對流血一週仍然不死的動物千萬不能大意…　

＠ 男人的謊言可以騙女人一夜，女人的謊言可以騙男人一生！

＠ 女人無所謂正派，正派是因為受到的引誘不夠；

＠ 男人無所謂忠誠，忠誠是因為背叛的籌碼太低…

＠ 我和超人的唯一區別是：我把內褲穿在褲子裡面。

＠ 我身在江湖，江湖卻沒有關於我的傳說…

＠ 水至清則無魚，人至賤則無敵。

＠ 喝醉了我誰也不服，我只要扶牆。

＠ 避孕的效果：不成功，便成人。

＠ 問世間情為何物？一物剋一物。

＠ 生，容易。活，容易。生活不容易。

＠ 一個人並不孤單，想一個人時才孤單。　

＠ 我不是隨便的人，但隨便起來就不是人。

＠ 騎白馬的不一定是王子，可能是唐僧；

＠ 帶翅膀的不一定是天使，也可能是'鳥人'。

＠ 流氓不可怕，就怕流氓有文化。

＠ 水能載舟，亦能煮粥！

＠ 聰明的女人對付男人，而笨女人對付女人。

Monkey vs Dog

Topeng Muka

football

手槍蝦！包你沒見過！

Milk

Memoirs of Institute of Mental Health

Record I
Patient A: "So how.. this book not bad ya?"
Patient B: "Excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense shit, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art too many character names to remember!!!"
Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you..put the telephone book back to the original place?"

Record II
One doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ear off, what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm.. that's normal...So if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"
Patient: "Because my spectacles will drop down..."

Record III
IMH has an old lady who wears black everyday, carries a black umbrella and squats @ the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.
The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her and decided to start by understanding her behaviour.
So, the doctor also wear black and carries a black umbrella; squatted outside together just next to her, rain or shine, everyday without fail.
So..days goes by...the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of words..for one solid month...
One fine day..the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"

Record IV
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter... She got curious and went to take a peek.. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.
Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"
Patient : "I'm writing a letter to myself..."
Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?">
Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't receive the letter, how would I know??"

Record V
Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.
After a while, the patient rolling shouted to the top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"
The patient ontop replied: "No..no..I can't...I'm not ripe yet"

Record VI
One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...how? I think I'm a chicken since I was born..."
Doctor: "Woah! that's very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"
Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."

Record VII
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home after unloading the stuff. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix on the new tyre, he had accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
The truck driver was very sad as he can't fished the bolts up; started to panick.
Coincidentally, one patient walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do, he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient nonchantly replied: "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." he goes on explaining: "You just have to take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why do you stay in IMH?"
Patient replied: "I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Prayer For a Dad ....

"Dear God,

this year please send clothes
for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen.."

母亲一生的八个谎话——看完请不要流泪

儿时，小男孩家很穷，吃饭时，饭常常不够吃，母亲就把自己碗里的饭分给孩子吃。母亲说，孩子们，快吃吧，我不饿！――母亲撒的第一个谎

男孩长身体的时候，勤劳的母亲常用周日休息时间去县郊农村河沟里捞些鱼来给孩子们补钙。鱼很好吃，鱼汤也很鲜。孩子们吃鱼的时候，母亲就在一旁啃鱼骨头，用舌头舔鱼骨头上的肉渍。男孩心疼，就把自己碗里的鱼夹到母亲碗里，请母亲吃鱼。母亲不吃，母亲又用筷子把鱼夹回男孩的碗里。母亲说，孩子，快吃吧，我不爱吃鱼！――母亲撒的第二个谎。

上初中了，为了缴够男孩和哥姐的学费，当缝纫工的母亲就去居委会领些火柴盒拿回家来，晚上糊了挣点分分钱补点家用。有个冬天，男孩半夜醒来，看到母亲还躬着身子在油灯下糊火柴盒。男孩说，母亲，睡了吧，明早您还要上班呢。母亲笑笑，说，孩子，快睡吧，我不困！――母亲撒的第三个谎

高考那年，母亲请了假天天站在考点门口为参加高考的男孩助阵。时逢盛夏，烈日当头，固执的母亲在烈日下一站就是几个小时。考试结束的铃声响了，母亲迎上去递过一杯用罐头瓶泡好的浓茶叮嘱孩子喝了，茶亦浓，情更浓。望着母亲干裂的嘴唇和满头的汗珠，男孩将手中的罐头瓶反递过去请母亲喝。母亲说，孩子，快喝吧，我不渴！――母亲撒的第四个谎。

父亲病逝之后，母亲又当爹又当娘，靠着自己在缝纫社里那点微薄收入含辛茹苦拉扯着几个孩子，供他们念书，日子过得苦不堪言。胡同路口电线杆下修表的李叔叔知道后，大事小事就找岔过来打个帮手，搬搬煤，挑挑水，送些钱粮来帮补男孩的家里。人非草木，孰能无情。左邻右舍对此看在眼里，记在心里，都劝母亲再嫁，何必苦了自己。然而母亲多年来却守身如玉，始终不嫁，别人再劝，母亲也断然不听，母亲说，我不爱！――母亲撒的第五个谎

男孩和她的哥姐大学毕业参加工作后，下了岗的母亲就在附近农贸市场摆了个小摊维持生活。身在外地工作的孩子们知道后就常常寄钱回来补贴母亲，母亲坚决不要，并将钱退了回去。母亲说，我有钱！――母亲撒的第六个谎


男孩留校任教两年，后又考取了美国一所名牌大学的博士生，毕业后留在美国一家科研机构工作，待遇相当丰厚，条件好了，身在异国的男孩想把母亲接来享享清福却被老人回绝了。母亲说，我不习惯！――母亲撒的第七个谎 晚年，母亲患了胃癌，住进了医院，远在大西洋彼岸的男孩乘飞机赶回来时，术后的母亲已是奄奄一息了。母亲老了，望着被病魔折磨得死去活来的母亲，男孩悲痛欲绝，潸然泪下。母亲却说，孩子，别哭，我不疼。――母亲撒的第八个谎 不论你多富有,不管你官多大,到什么时候也离不开咱的妈....愿天下父母平安度春秋....... 珍惜母亲的每一个谎言,好好的对待父母,很多东西,失去后才得来的珍贵代价太大.所以一定要好好的爱我们的父母~

如果我還一直深愛著你...你是否還會待在我身邊?
如果我還一直在乎著你...你是否會再多看我一眼? 是否我已不存在了...你才感覺的到我的離開? 是否我已離開了....你才感覺的到我對你的好? 在此祝福全天下父母平安度春秋~~

把這個故事加在你的部落格
母亲一生的八个谎话——看完请不要流泪

关于人与佛的一段对话

深夜，寺里一人一佛，佛坐人站。

人：圣明的佛，我是一个已婚之人，我现在狂热地爱上了另

一个女人，我真的不知道该怎么办。

佛：你能确定你现在爱上的这个女人就是你生命里唯一的，最后一个女人吗？

人：是的。

佛：你离婚，然后娶她。

人：可是我现在的爱人温柔，善良，贤惠，我这样做是否有一点残忍，有一点不道德？

佛：在婚姻中没有爱才是残忍和不道德的，你现在爱上了别人已不爱她了，你这样做是正确的。

人：可是，我的爱人很爱我，真的很爱我。

佛：那她就是幸福的。

人：我要与她离婚后另娶她人，她应该是很痛苦的，又怎么会是幸福的呢？

佛：在婚姻里她还拥有她对你的爱，而你在婚姻中已失去对她的爱，因为你爱上了别人，正所谓：拥有的就是幸福的，失去的才是痛苦的。所以痛苦的人是你。

人：可是我要和她离婚后另娶她人，应该是她失去了我，她应该才是痛苦的。

佛：你错了，你只是她婚姻中真爱的一个具体，当你这个具体不存在的时候，她的真爱会延续到另一个具体，因为她在婚姻中的真爱从没有失去过。所以她才是幸福的而你才是痛苦的。

人：她说过今生只爱我一个，她不会爱上别人的。

佛：这样的话你也说过吗？

人：我。我。。我。。。

佛：你现在看你面前香炉里的三根蜡烛，哪根最亮？

人：我真的不知道，好像都是一样的亮。

佛：这三根蜡烛就好比是三个女人，其中一根就是你现在所爱的那个女人，芸芸众生，女人何止千百万万，你连这三根蜡烛哪根最亮都不知道，都不能把你现在爱的人找出来，你为什么又能确定你现在爱的这个女人就是你生命里唯一的最后一个女人呢？

人：我。我。。我。。。

佛：你现在拿一根蜡烛放在你的眼前，用心看看哪根最亮？

人：当然是眼前的这根最亮。

佛：你现在把它放回原处，再看看，哪根最亮？

人：我真的还是看不出哪根最亮。

佛：其实你刚拿的那根蜡烛就好比是你现在爱的那个最后的女人，所谓爱由心生，当你感觉你爱她时，你用心去看就觉的它最亮；当你把它放回原处，你却找不到最亮的一点感觉，你这种所谓的最后的唯一的爱只是镜花水月，到头来终究是一场空。

人：哦，我懂了。。。。你并不是要我与我的爱人离婚，你是在点化我。

佛：看破不说破，你去吧

人：我现在真的知道我爱的是谁了，她就是我现在的爱人。

佛：阿弥陀佛，阿弥陀佛。

funny pic bout penang ...

Ho Liau eh Idea

Fantastic Machine

Red Durian