Juss a tickle !! Go on read …

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi ..
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

~~~~~~

A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter ?

~~~~~~~~~

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

~~~~~~~~~~

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

~~~~~~~~~~

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

~~~~~~~~~~

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

~~~~~~~

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

~~~~~~~~

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
' How long has what been going on?' said the man.

~~~~~~~~~~

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

~~~~~~~~~~

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

~~~~~~~~~~

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

~~~~~~~~~~

!!..Trust You Had Some Laughs..!!

Joke....Ah Meng...

Ah Meng gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Papa! Papa! Uncle Kow is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" Ah Meng slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips?open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor. "You bastard," says Ah Meng, "Kan-Nie-Niay.... my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids.

Why the chicken cross the road?

Finally, some authoritative answers to this age-old question!

OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

MCCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

CLINTON's WIFE:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

COOPER:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

ALGORE:
I invented the chicken!
SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!

KUAN YEW:
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should be able to cross safely to the other side.

HSIEN LOONG:
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

BADAWI:
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR:
Now even the non-bumi chickens want to cross the road? How can they disrespect and disregard the bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our right!

ANWAR:
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

SAMY:
After we have erected the toll booths, all chickens are free to cross the road.

LINGAM:
It looks like a chicken, it sounds like a chicken, but it is not a chicken. Correct correct correct!

Joke....Ah Meng...

Ah Meng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"



Ah Meng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Meng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.



Ah Meng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Meng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.



Ah Meng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Meng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.



Ah Meng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Meng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.



Ah Meng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Meng: "I was watching TV news..."



Ah Meng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."


How do you recognize Ah Meng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.



Once Ah Meng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.



Ah Meng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"



Ah Meng: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Meng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?



Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Meng: The future tense is "u will go to jail"



Ah Meng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Meng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."



A man asked Ah Meng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning. Ah Meng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM